Welcome to the Throwback Thursday series! I love this idea of reposting old blog posts because it gives me a chance to look back and see just how far I’ve come. It’s a good confidence booster! This week’s post is about relationships (as are a lot of my old posts 🙂 ). Trying to get back into dating after going through a divorce at a young age is difficult, and this was when I was going through the emotions of transitioning into a relationship with a guy I called Lender.
SATURDAY, MAY 16, 2009
I came to a conclusion recently I like being in a relationship. I like being that committed to one person. I like taking care of him. I like that he knows about my family & my job, and listens to me when I want to vent. I like buying presents for him. I like cooking for him. I like that he doesn’t care what I look like, as long as I have a smile on my face. I like going out knowing that there’s no pressure to be super awesome, just in case I meet someone. I like being the cool girlfriend because I get along with all his friends. I like making friends with his mom, and dad, and siblings.
I loved being a wife. I won’t deny it. Whenever I tell people that, they always say, Even though your husband was an ass??! And I always answer, Yes. I loved being a wife, I loved taking care of someone, being there for him, being his support, his rock. I liked that when I came home from traveling, he always met me at the door, with a hug & a kiss. Even though the house was a wreck because he refused to clean up, I still had some feeling of comfort knowing someone was going to be there waiting for me. I love that feeling. I loved the idea of two becoming one, even though I haven’t actually experienced it fully.
For the past year, I’ve dated here and there, thinking that I didn’t want to be in a serious relationship. Maybe I didn’t at first; I remember getting an anxiety attack back in October because the guy I was dating wanted me to meet his grandmother and more of his family. We’d been dating a month and I just couldn’t handle it. But now, as the year mark has passed, I realize I’m pining for that relationship, for that special someone to be there for me. With me.
So as things with Lender move forward, I am cautious, cautious with my heart, cautious with my feelings. I know now that I’m looking for something more than just a good time. Hopefully, I’m on the right track to finding it.