I currently sit in a room filled with boxes. Moving comes with its stress, we all know this; it is a season of laughable moments and an excitement of what’s to come, even if it’s unknown. Figuratively I feel as though my boxes are heavier. They hold a past filled with some hurt, disappointment, strength and the most beautiful of moments. More than any other season, I feel the weight of past mistakes and the excitement of planning for the future. Maybe it’s because the next time I will unpack these boxes it will be with my soon-to-be husband. My past feels weightier as it affects someone else, my every decision needs to be more thought through, and my future is the most exciting kind of unsure.
As women, we are our greatest critics. We look into our past and can see every wrong turn, where we got every scar, and what we should have done differently. Some of us are aware of the actions of others and how they affect our lives now. We look inward and find all of our weakness and try, alone, to figure out how we can be better… do more… and do it all quickly.
It is also quite hard for us to be engaged in our present. Of course, it is, we are so busy looking backward and forwards that what is right in front of us is impossible to get our full attention. While I am packing, I remember who got me everything I now posses in my home. I see photographs of people I haven’t spoken to in ages. I remember times that are both bitter and sweet. Having to decide what to get rid of and what to keep and bring into this next season. I cannot allow my soon to be husband to live in the shadow of the past men in my life, the divorces I have seen, the abuse, or the mistrust I’ve experienced. We have to allow others a fresh slate, knowing that they will be imperfect but also that they aren’t past boyfriends, fathers, or stepfathers. In the same way, we have to remind ourselves that we aren’t the same. I am not the insecure girl that is fearful, inadequate, and doesn’t trust anyone; we are growing and becoming free from our past. As women maybe that’s what we need to do mentally, hash it out… think through it all. Forgive what needs forgiveness, forget what needs forgetting, and throw out the “boxes” that we don’t want weighing us down in our next season.
So as we make daily decisions to let our pasts be our pasts, how do we live our day well and not worry about the future? All I do is a plan for the future it seems, wedding planning does that to you. Your money, mind power, and creativity are so focused on one day. There is so much that will happen in the 61 days I have till my wedding. There is also so much that will happen to start on day one as a married couple. The most important thing in preparing for our futures is today. I have today and I think I’m promised a tomorrow… but we aren’t always promised a tomorrow. We can work on loving well, knowing what we can really accomplish in 24 hours, and tomorrow will come whether we have lived today fully or not.
So today let’s be the ladies that bust loose of expectations of others or those crazy expectations we have of ourselves. Let’s put down our “do more” mindsets and take up our “live more” hearts. Maybe we need to throw out some boxes to make room for our new season, drink a cup of coffee for here and stop rushing around, or maybe it’s that we just need to remember that today holds everything that you need to prepare for all that’s to come.