Remaining a Gracious Friend When Jealous

She won, again. She landed the job, the one with a corner office. She was awarded an honor for her exemplary work in the community. She has the love an amazing man. Not you, not I; just her.

At one time or another, each of us has experienced a moment when a friend of ours appears to have everything. Rather, has everything we want. Then a moment follows when she then reaches an achievement, lands the job or wins true love. That right there can transition us into a dark and ugly place; the place of jealousy.

Although we each experience our share of struggles and obstacles, we do not expect a stunt in our driven attitudes to hit the jealousy snag. Jealousy can make us bitter, negative and deter us from what we most desire in life. Jealousy of a friend can make us all of this as well as make us detrimental to our friendship. A humble perspective, however, paired with grace can pull us past the insecurities of the success of a friend.

jealous friend

Be Honest With Yourself
The first step to staying gracious when you’re jealous is, to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself some of the following questions: Do I actually want what she has? Am I jealous of what she achieved or how she received it? Do I respect her? Do I care more about our friendship or about how her success makes me feel? Am I jealous or insecure?

Take Some Quiet Time
Once you have honestly come to terms with the source of your jealousy, take some time to get quiet. Whether you get quiet through prayer or a sweat session, take the time to reflect on the jealous attitude and insecurities and walk away from them. Yes, walk away.

Support Your Friend
How can we support our friends when we have jealous lingering? We give them honest, positive encouragement. We share with them our joy for their hard work and success. We support their efforts and their goals. We support them in the midst of our egos because that is what a friend is called to do. This is the best thing you can do.

Practice Humility and Grace
Find joy in your accomplishments and in the accomplishments of others. Challenge yourself to stay positive when your circumstances are negative. Take every moment as an opportunity to be confident, humble and graceful.

What happens if your friend thinks she is better because of her success?
When we have an aspiration, we work hard to achieve it. It then can become a tad heart-breaking if a friend achieves the same thing we want or achieves their success before us. It then becomes infinitely more difficult if our friend is less than gracious and believes they are better than us. We do not fight them, rather, we go through a process similar to the one laid out from above. If a friend persists to act in this less-than-gracious manner, go to her. Approach her with humility and grace. Let her know how proud you are of her success. Let her know you value your friendship; which is why you feel put down and hurt since her success. Talk it out with her.

With confidence, humility and grace, we can remain driven and passionate when we are jealous. We can be joyful in our own accomplishments and in the accomplishments of others.